


on our birthday, i'll say an extra wish for you

by isyotm



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Background Character Death, Birthday, Cemetery, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-04-12
Packaged: 2018-10-17 21:14:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10602369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isyotm/pseuds/isyotm
Summary: Since Vax can't come to her, Vex takes their birthday celebration to her brother instead.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title and inspiration from "For Justin" by Dashboard Confessional.

There’s one cake sitting on the kitchen counter, its perfect buttercream surface covered in 29 unlit candles.

Vex pauses in the middle of grabbing her things— _Keys? Check. Wallet? Check. Fork? Check_ —to consider it. It looks so small like this, without a pair to keep it company. As if they ever each needed their own cake.

She’s not sure when they started their silly tradition, but for at least ten years she and her brother have had their own for their cake, each one with a candle for every year they’d been alive, every year they’d spent together. Sometime in between then and now, they’d done away with traditional flavors and started hunting all over town for the weirdest cakes they could find—zucchini, parsley, tomato soup—and bringing them home at the end of the day to share.

She smiles. Avocado probably isn’t the _strangest_ flavor they’ve ever had, but it’s certainly strange enough.

She cuts a thick slice, removes all but one candle from it, and places it on a paper plate she grabbed from the pantry, wrapping it carefully in plastic wrap. She glances back at the rest of the cake—now missing a not-insignificant piece—and flicks off the lights in her apartment as she heads out the door.

The drive is quiet, peaceful. There’s nothing this far west, right up against the urban development boundary, and when she leans her head out the window, the wind tugging at her braid, she can smell the difference in the air. There’s no pollution, no traffic, no home or store smells leaking outside. There’s just…green.

She recognizes the familiar sign, the last one out here at the edge of nowhere, and turns left into the property. It’s still green here, but inside the fence has the tamed look of manicured lawns and careful landscaping. In the distance, she can see a few groundskeepers planting a new tree in front of the main office. She makes another left and drives to the end of the row until she sees the familiar dogwood tree, the white buds on its upper branches beginning to bloom.

She takes a deep breath. This is it.

She turns off the car, reaches for the door…and doesn’t move. _Open the door, Vex._ The command is coming from her brain loud and clear, but her arm doesn’t seem to be getting the message. _Just open the door. What are you so afraid of? You’re the one who came up with this stupid idea in the first place. Whether you sit here or go through with it doesn’t change the fact that—_

She opens the door and steps out into the day, squinting into the bright sunlight. A light breeze ruffles her hair and brings the smell of fresh cut flowers to her nose. She glances over and sees roses. It seems like she wasn’t the only who decided to visit today.

She crunches through the grass, dry now thanks to the afternoon heat, and sits, placing the slice of cake in front of her. She unwraps the plastic, places the fork on the plate, and looks at the headstone, her eyes tracing the familiar words engraved into it.

“Hi Vax.”

She’s proud of herself. Her voice doesn’t shake and her eyes remain dry without any herculean effort on her part. _Practice makes perfect._

She chokes on her next inhale as her eyes start to sting.

_I wish this wasn’t something I needed to practice._

She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, letting the sounds of outside—the faint conversation of the landscapers, the sound of the few cars this far west, a bee investigating the flowers a few headstones away—calm her.

She pulls a lighter out of her pocket and curls around the cake to protect it from the wind as she lights the candle on their shared piece. She closes her eyes again, makes a wish, and blows it out with a sad smile.

“Happy birthday.” She takes a bite of the cake and makes a face. “Avocado this year. You’re not missing out on anything, I promise.” She eats in silence for a while, watching a beetle crawl up the side of her brother’s headstone. She wonders if her brother can feel it and quickly brushes away both the beetle and the thought.

“I miss you,” she says softly. “I’m not very good at celebrating alone.”

The grass tickles her leg and she runs a hand through it, plucking out a blade and tangling it between her fingers. “I wonder what you would’ve picked. You never did tell me where you found all those _ridiculous_ flavors.” She laughs at the memory of last year, his delight as he’d presented sauerkraut chocolate cake covered with pink and blue flowers.

Now that’s her job.

She sits for a little while longer until eventually she finishes her cake. The sun dips behind a cloud and when she glances up, she can see that the previously sunny skies have turned gray, threatening rain. When she takes a deep breath, she can taste the tang of it in the air. She sighs and glances at the headstone. She’s not ready to leave, but she’s not prepared for rain either and she’d rather not spend the drive home in wet clothes.

“I’ll be back,” she promises. She places a hand on the headstone, still warm from the sun, and squeezes. Once to say goodbye she would’ve held her brother’s hand or kissed his cheek, but that’s not really an option anymore.

The rain waits politely until she’s safely back in her car, and then the skies open up with a torrent that threatens to wash her away. That’s fine. When she looks out her window, she can barely see the dogwood tree she parked under, which means that if someone looked in, they wouldn’t be able to see her either. Safely out of sight, she slumps against the steering wheel and cries.

**Author's Note:**

> me: what if i wrote a fic where vax is dead and vex celebrates their birthday alone  
> me @ me: what the fuck is wrong with you?
> 
> Cake flavors are from [here](https://www.buzzfeed.com/sarahjampel/cool-cakes?utm_term=.heR2Zbm4m#.xpYYxE9j9) or [here](https://www.craftsy.com/blog/2013/05/unusual-cakes/). I'm sure they're all tasty (despite my misgivings).
> 
> Apparently I only know how to give the CR fandom angst. Sorry.


End file.
